I watched the Collingwood-Essendon footy clash on Anzac Day with some ungrateful Bomber "friends".
Immediately, their unwanted insults flowed as I couldn't pour myself into the same Collingwood jersey that I comfortably wore the last time I visited.
That's the thanks I get for bringing all the snacks; regardless of who ate them all. Being Essendon fans, they could have brought supplements ... of snacks, of course.
The Collingwood jersey that I attempted to squeeze into was marked "XXL" - false advertising, as I couldn't fit into it.
Are the manufacturers accusing me of being "extra, extra large"?
"Extra, extra large" is grammatically incorrect, as well as factually.
Who are today's clothing manufactures basing their sizes on?
I met a bloke at the footy once who was 4'3 in the old parlance and was wearing a Carlton jersey marked "L".
If a man who's not 130cm is "large", I'd like to see their idea of medium. I doubt my eyesight would even be able see their concept of small.
It's ridiculous! Nobody wants to admit they're small today or might need to wear clothes that are "extra small".
So, just so small people don't get a complex, we all have to move up three sizes.
Clothing manufacturers today have got extra small people thinking they're medium, small people thinking they're large and us normal-sized people thinking we're extra, extra large.
Did they ever stop to think that maybe they're giving us normal-sized people a complex? No wonder we eat so much!
Pretty soon, I'm going to have so many Xs on my clothes that when the tag is showing people will think that I'm wearing a dirty movie.
Short people are already getting all the advantages in life. Relatively speaking, they always get the most of everything.
In a way, they get a larger burger than us when they order a Big Mac.
They're also getting a bigger can of soft drink than us for the same price, and bigger drumsticks at KFC.
While we're paying the price of a schooner at the pub, small people are only paying the price of a middy for exactly the same effect.
And don't get me started on coffee. Why should I have to pay a small fortune for a large cappuccino to only get me to morning tea, while smaller people are lasting all day on a short black?
At the cinema, they get bigger chairs than us. On trains and planes, they effectively always get upgraded by getting extra leg room for no extra cost!
I'm telling you, short people rule the world and they know it. And frankly, I don't like the arrogant way some of them look up to me.
What a blessing we can crack silly jokes and watch footy in peace, and all thanks to our Anzacs.
It's only when a defence force is willing to fight to protect its nation that that nation can ever live in peace.
As I extolled the bravery of soldiers a few years back, a couple of people pointed out to me that their religion doesn't support soldiers because it doesn't believe in war.
I pointed out that they were only able to hold their views in peace because they live under the protection of soldiers willing to fight and die for them.
A country without a defence force will not stay around for long.
As the minute's silence was observed respectfully at the MCG before Sunday's game, I mused on how most Australians still want to say "thank you" to the Anzacs and to all those who have given their lives to protect our freedom.
The power of just saying "thanks".
When a priest or husband or wife have walked away from their vocation or marriage, many times I've pushed my luck and asked "why?".
In most cases, it turns out that feelings of not being appreciated, or even being thanked, were a factor. The power of saying thank you.
Many theologians, using the Greek word "Eucharist" which means "thanksgiving", have said it is the highest form of prayer.
A good number of them believe this is pretty much all we'll do in heaven, and that we will enjoy it immensely.
Start saying thank you to people. Say it a lot. You will thank me later.
Twitter: @frbrendanelee
