Voice for families: Gwen Cherne knows the pain of Defence Force suicide

The Bangor resident's world was turned upside down in 2017 when her husband, Sergeant Peter Cafe of Second Commando Regiment, took his own life. He had served in places such East Timor, Cambodia, Afghanistan and Iraq.

At the time, the couple's three children were aged 18, four and two.

The tragedy set Ms Cherne on a mission to help other veterans and families, which led in 2020 to her appointment as the inaugural Veteran Family Advocate Commissioner on the 101-year-old Repatriation Commission.

In the lead-up to Anzac Day, Ms Cherne spoke to the Leader about the growing awareness of the needs of veteran families and how the community can also provide practical support for them.

"The experience I had of being voiceless made me stand up and advocate to give other families a voice, so that they are better connected and can get support before they have a crisis," she said.

Ms Cherne said Defence Force veteran families "shouldn't be add-ons".

"Services should be geared towards families directly," she said. "We shouldn't just be providing support to the veterans and hoping that the families will manage."

Ms Cherne, who is on a board for the Department of Veterans Affairs, travels Australia talking with Defence Force and veteran families, veterans organisations, other groups and experts.

"I feed that back into the system, which sometimes has pretty, shiny policies that may not be working at the ground level," she said. "I am helping the department amend systems and change policies.

"Seven years ago, Defence didn't really want to know about families; today they are starting to say, 'what can we do to help'?

"When people are in Defence, the likelihood of them experiencing trauma is very high. They put themselves in risky positions, which we ask them to do.

"Then, they go home to their families and expect that trauma not to seep into the family unit, which is impossible.

"We have just started to recognise the gravity of what's happening with families and acknowledge that.

"The Royal Commission into Defence and Veteran Suicide helped.

"Now it's a matter of what we do about it, and how do we do it well?"

Ms Cherne said an example of change was that, when a serving member or veteran dies, and it is service related, children are entitled to certain supports.

"The rules used to state they had to be in full-time education to be eligible," she said.

"But, a lot of those children experience mental health issues along the way and might have a gap in their full-time education.

"That meant some services and support would stop just when they needed them most.

"We created a policy that said if they had a diagnosed mental health condition or reason for not being in school full time those supports could remain."

Ms Cherne said it had been established that there were higher rates of depression and anxiety in veterans' children.

"We also know that children whose parents die from suicide are two to three times more likely to attempt or die by suicide," she said.

"We have an obligation and duty to ensure the next generation is actually cared for."

Ms Cherne said the community could also be of great assistance in supporting Defence Force and veteran families.

"I used to have neighbours who would take my bins out and help with things when they knew I was doing it on my own," she said.

"We can also think about welcoming veterans and their families into our communities when they come, whether it's for a short or longer time.

"Our veteran families need this, but they are a group of people who are very reluctant to put their hands up and say they need help because that's the way they were trained and what we ask of them. We can do our part by gently reaching in, sending text messages or having a BBQ on days like Anzac Day."