After Ryan’s hidden struggle, his family pleads for others to speak out, seek help

RYAN Margetts was a people person. Fiercely independent, a hard worker, a keen sportsman – and with a knack for inappropriate comments. 

Ryan, 30, was also struggling with challenges few truly knew about. His family – father Kelvin, mother Debbie and sisters Kyla and Hannah – wish their son and brother had spoken to them and sought help. 

Earlier this month, he took his own life. 

He leaves behind his family and communities within his home town of Dimboola, his footy club at Pimpinio, his home in Horsham and friends all over the world asking why. 

Ryan had started a new career as a custody officer with Victoria Police just last month. He always had an interest in the police force – but it took work as a butcher, baker, train driver and barman – among many other roles – to eventually try his luck at joining the boys in blue. He graduated on April 28 and started work at Horsham Police Station the following Monday. 

Kelvin said the job security of joining the force as well as his love for his Horsham property, his love for Volkswagens and Kombis and his love of travel was possibly the driving force in finally following that dream. 

In his short four-week tenure, Ryan picked up extra duties and showed a work ethic and drive that left a lasting impression.  

Ryan was also midway through an accountancy course as he worked to find his calling after he was made redundant from his train driving.

Ryan was a daredevil and his friends say they could’ve lost him a couple of times. 

Getting pulled into a machine at the bakery left him battered and bruised – but it was a chainsaw incident, along with crashes in his car and on his motorbike that he was particularly lucky. 

As an adult, his love for travel took him to South America, Africa and to Asia. His adventures meant he met many people and went off the beaten track as he explored the world. At one point, when the work driving trains was particularly slow, he travelled to Brazil to his best mate, Dean Le Blanc, three times within six months. He had started studying Spanish. “His credit cards would’ve been fairly big when (the travelling) came to a halt,” Kelvin said. 

The family say emotionally, Ryan kept his cards close to his chest. While they were close, it wasn’t unusual to not receive a reply to a text message or phone call. 

“But that’s (the way it’s) been ever since he was a child. He was always a tough nut. He was independent. He owned his own car even before he was 18 and he paid cash for that,” Debbie said. 

Kelvin said: “He wasn’t scared of work and he wasn’t scared to get his hands dirty and to make a dollar. But it wasn’t all about dollars (in his younger days) – he enjoyed working and being with people.” 

Ryan had worked on the Friday and played footy for Pimpinio on the Saturday. 

On the morning of Monday, June 5, Debbie was the first to learn that Ryan had taken his life. Kelvin was in Melbourne, Kyla was at work as a nurse in Mildura while Hannah was on holidays in Thailand. She initially thought the bad news her mum needed to share related to their dog, Pippa. It took Hannah two days to get home to Dimboola. 

“It was very hard to believe. I said, ‘no, he wouldn’t do that’,” Kyla said. 

Hannah said: “It doesn’t seem real. We had the funeral to plan and organise and while it’s about Ryan’s death, it’s not essentially dealing with the fact he’s gone.” 

They say many questions will forever remain unanswered and elements of his house – his clothes were still in the dryer, his diary detailed his shifts at the station – meant his decision appeared rushed. 

A guard of honour of police, sporting mates and community members lined the Dimboola cemetery for his graveside service on Friday last week. 

About 1500 mourners paid their respects. 

“If everyone knew he was suffering, there would have been so much support for him – and I wish he could have seen the amount of people that cared for him that we saw at the funeral,” Hannah said. 

The family hopes by sharing their story, they can spare others the same tragedy.

“The most frustrating thing for us is that we never knew. When I sent him (a message a few weeks ago that gained no reply), he was obviously in a bad place and it just kills me that I never called or asked, ‘why aren't you replying?’” Hannah said. 

“But that’s how he was and (so you thought), that’s OK.” 

A men’s wellness night in Horsham is one initiative that has stemmed from many tragedies within the Wimmera – just this year.  

“Sometimes it’s just (about) speaking your mind and saying, no I’m not OK,” Kyla said. 

Hannah said: “Or just flagging to Mum and Dad, ‘hey, Mum and Dad, I’m struggling. Is it an education thing where it starts back to when you’re five years old and you’re told not to try or (told) to toughen up (that people don't feel comfortable to speak out)?” 

Since his death, the family have been overwhelmed with the outpouring of grief and assistance from the community. 

Friends, family – people they’ve never met, and from all over the world – have reached out with messages of sympathy. 

“The amount of flowers, phone calls, text messages, messages through Facebook … and from people we don’t even know. Kids who were years below us but who played tennis and footy with Ryan,” Kyla said. 

“People don’t know what to do or say and so they give flowers or food. Half the people at the funeral I had no idea who they were.” 

Pimpinio Football Club members gathered on the Thursday night and heard from another Wimmera family who’d experienced a similar loss. They shared pizzas from one of Ryan’s former workplaces, Bonnie and Clydes. Money raised from that night will return to the club – and the family hopes a beyondblue round between Pimpinio and Taylors Lake can occur in the future. 

His no.55 Tigers jumper has been retired. 

Dimboola man Gavin Reddie played sport with Ryan and hosts a Facebook page, called Giggle Shits, where he shares anecdotes about regular, everyday life to more than 200,000 followers. He launched a GoFundMe campaign for the Margetts family that raised $16,000 in two weeks. The family hopes to use the money to develop more support services for people in the Wimmera. 

They said they had learned families impacted by suicide could wait months for access to professional support. 

Ryan suffered in silence and never shared his emotions or problems with others.

“He probably would’ve made a good counsellor because of the way he spoke … he knew how to talk to people with depression and people knew how to talk back to him,” Kelvin said. 

The family has learned since his death that he helped many others. 

“But people never twigged that he had a problem,” Kelvin said.