It was 1996 that I was in the murky depths of my very own personal hell hole.
I had recently returned to high school after nearly two years away battling the demons of an eating disorder that nearly swallowed me whole.
By the time I returned to school, I had put on weight and was deemed "better".
It couldn't have been further from the truth.
Discombobulated from the disconnect with school friends at a time when connection is so crucial, struggling to make sense of school work that had progressed so much in my absence and still in anguish trying to make sense of myself and a fraught relationship with my family, I was in many ways worse than when I was "unwell".
I thrashed at those around me and I thrashed at myself.
I could not conceive of finishing school, resurrecting relationships or escaping my own torment and the torment that, in turn, I was inflicting on those around me.
I couldn't see a way out.
Two people saved me during that time.
One of my best mates, Cat, who is still one of my best mates to this day, and my dad, Bob, who is also one of my best mates to this day.
They were patient and unconditional and most importantly, they were there.
The unconditionality of their presence and love was searing to someone who put so many conditions on their own worth.
I don't know how or why they stayed when, by all accounts, my behaviour was abominable, but they did and it saved my life.
R U OK? Day is today and it calls on Australians to help prevent suicide by making more effort to have regular, meaningful conversations with anyone who may be struggling.
About seven Australians suicide every day and about 65,000 people attempt it each year.
Suicide is the biggest killer of Australians under the age of 44.
The reasons are varied and often complex, but the sense of hopelessness and disconnect are common.
"To ensure that people are protected from suicidal thoughts, we need to make a concerted and genuine effort to be there for one another and really walk in one another's shoes," R U OK Campaign Director Rebecca Lewis said.
"R U OK?Day is a national reminder for us all to start a conversation that could change a life."
The power of just being there is so much greater than we realise. Even when it appears to go unnoticed.
A sense of connectedness – through family, school or community is one of the primary preventative factors in suicide.
It took me years before I was able to tell Cat and Bob how deep an impact they'd had. I don't think they'd had a clue of the positive difference they had made or that the fact they loved me during that time gave me reason to believe I might be worthy of loving myself.
"To love a person is to see all of their magic, and to remind them of it when they have forgotten," is a saying that has stayed with me from this time and is a philosophy I have adopted when people around me are in pain.
There was no "click and I was cured" moment.
But, I did finish school - and two degrees - and, with support, I did eventually escape my own torment and begin to see magic and light in the world and myself again.
Today, it feels like that time was another lifetime.
It was no easy road out, but having two steady, loving souls by side helped me to find the way.
For support contact Lifeline: 13 11 14 Men's Line: 1300 78 99 78 Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800
